homesickness is not a sickness at all.

The first two weeks of my trip were spent with one of my very best friends and her best friend, who I also grew very close to in the short time we spent together. We explored Paris together and they helped me settle into and fall in love with Nice. So naturally, when they departed last Wednesday, I felt a serious sadness that I was only mildly anticipating. I felt alone and all I wanted was to once again feel the comfort of having a piece of home with me while abroad.

Even in just a short 14 days, I was experiencing some homesickness. Not for the things I anticipated: In-n-Out, Del Taco, the familiarity of my dad's voice or the incredible view I get when I turn from Newport Coast onto Pacific Coast Highway. No, I was simply homesick for the presence of my loved ones and the security they give me. I wanted to look up and see my best friend making her potatoes or see my other friend cracking her Heineken. I even missed the crowdedness of their suitcases.

When I expressed this to some friends that day, attempting to receive some comfort, I had a few responses that were similar: "but you're in Europe! You can't be sad", or "you'll forget about it tomorrow when you're in London." My internal reaction to these statements provided me with the deepest lesson I've learned in my few shorts weeks across the Atlantic Ocean.

Travel is not just about what you see in that place. It's not just about the wonderful people you meet, or the delicious food you are able to indulge in. Travel is not just about bringing your mom a magnet that says "Paris" or the perfect Instagram photo you capture in front of a twinkling Eiffel Tower.

Travel is also about self discovery and acknowledgement. And in my opinion, that's the best part.

You see, this trip has made me realize that travel shows you not only who the foreigners are, but through them, who you are. You don't get to start choosing what and who you do or don't miss. You just simply miss those people and those things. Or when you're in an uncomfortable position and you realize how badly you would kill to have a working cell phone. And that it's not wrong to want a working cell phone. We can't all be characters from Into The Wild.

Most importantly, I'm reminded that the only thing that matters is who you're with. You can be across the world in London, but if you're alone, it can hardly matter.

I've learned that spending a Saturday night watching the Diamondbacks on my parents patio gives me just as much joy as the mojitos I drank in Cannes.

I've learned that spending an hour ranting about politics with my dad on his couch can beat out an Italian dinner on the French Riviera.

I've learned that drinking beers with my sisters in Nashville makes me just as happy as touring the Palace of Versailles.

I've learned that I would trade in any international plane ride for an afternoon with my grandparents.

I've learned that seeing my little cousin grow up beats anything travel can provide.

This is not to say I'm not appreciative or having the time of my life. Because I am. I'm still a gypsy. I'm still going to travel. I'm going to travel especially for the homesickness. The farther I travel, the more I crave home. I'm not wrong for missing my family and friends when "I'm in Europe" or "I'm going to be in London". I'm simply just learning.

I'm having a moment.

About a week ago, I decided to just do it. I turned in my application and paid my deposit for my study abroad program in Nice, France. I texted my dad and simply told him "I'm going to France. Just turned in my app, paid my deposit." He replied "Wow. Cool" or something of the sort. And then I called my mom, and told her "So I just wanted to let you know I'm going to France for a month to study abroad." and explained the trip in some detail to her.

Fast-forward a few days, and I'm on the phone with my best friend, Ashlee, and she tells me she wants to come. In a few minutes, we have dates decided and flights picked out. We start discussing plans for the two days we are in Paris, and the 7 we are in Nice together. We book a hotel in Paris.

Fast-forward a couple more days, and I'm on the phone with my dad, going back and forth about whether I should book a round trip now, or wait to book the return because I'm not sure where I'll be flying out of.

Then it hit me.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Is this actually my life? These are real, CASUAL conversations I have had over the past week? The fact that I get to decide in such a nonchalant moment to "go to France"- WHAT? And then I call my parents, and literally get nothing but 100% support and a couple "how exciting!"'s?

My life is unreal. I can't even explain the level of blessed I am. To have these opportunities, to live this life. I have to take this moment, write this out and realize this is not normal. This is not what 22 year olds, or anyone for that matter, decide on a random Wednesday. But this is really my life!

I mainly write this to remind myself how incredibly lucky I am to have the family I do. If it weren't for their unwavering support for all my ridiculous ideas (move to California at 17, take out enormous student loans, move to an apartment on the beach, apply to law school, actually GO to law school when I'm already in massive debt, take out more enormous loans, go to France for a freaking summer!) I would not live the incredible life I do. I can honestly say I've never been without. And I really don't even mean financially. My grandparents can't wait to get my phone calls, even if all I have to tell them is that I am still alive, still breathing. My parents are with me every step of the way in everything I do. No one has ever told me to do something more realistic or to stop "dreaming so big". And on top of that, I have support from more extended family members than I can ever sit here and name. I get to be whoever I want, and they support it. What is better than that? 

I pride myself in living life to the fullest. Sometimes I know I should slow down, but why? So I can wake up in five years and ask myself why I missed out on that trip to France? or why I don't have a law degree? That lifestyle would be impossible without my family. I'm just blown away that I spend my days in Downtown San Diego, sometimes my weekends are spent in Las Vegas, sometimes in Laguna Beach… I really do realize my life is not the norm. Sometimes I'm sure I don't deserve all these blessings, but I know I am always grateful.

Back to school!

I cannot believe I made it through a semester of law school! Although I did not get a perfect 4.3 and have not mastered this system completely, I am SO PROUD of myself for getting through it. This is not something that is designed for the weak and I cannot explain the confidence this experience is instilling in me. They say 1L is supposed to break you down but I have to say.. I am actually feeling very built up as I am recognizing strengths in myself that I didn't know I had. I am so extremely thankful for my support system, especially my cousin Brian, who is thankfully in ALL of my classes (this semester too!), for keeping me going when things got rough last semester.

The winter break seems to have flashed by in the blink of an eye, but I was surprisingly excited to get back into school. I feel very well prepared this semester because now I understand how to study and how to productively use my time. Last semester was almost a trial run; I wish you got a pretend semester to test out sometimes! Nonetheless, it's over with and the experiences from last semester are making me feel so much more excited and prepared for this one.

I have begun the process of applying to internships and I forgot how exciting the application process is. Writing my cover letters and sending in my resume should be boring and tedious but I actually am finding that it's showing me how much I really want to succeed in this profession. I am praying the right internship comes my way, and until then, I'll keep applying. Fingers crossed.

I started the New Year off and promised myself I would spend less time talking about my problems and more time talking about my joys. I additionally promised myself that I would take more time to get to know and love the San Diego area. I have already spent almost everyday outdoors at some point -- instead of going to a gym, I've been taking 2-3 mile runs to the marina and each day I spend a little time looking at the water. I call it my "happy place". It's one place I can go and any stresses or problems I have seem to really disappear. The ocean is such a beautiful reminder that the world is so big and my problems are so small. I am thankful to live in a place as beautiful as San Diego.

Cheers to a New Year and a new crack at this crazy thing called law school. I am feeling more motivated & better than ever.