homesickness is not a sickness at all.

The first two weeks of my trip were spent with one of my very best friends and her best friend, who I also grew very close to in the short time we spent together. We explored Paris together and they helped me settle into and fall in love with Nice. So naturally, when they departed last Wednesday, I felt a serious sadness that I was only mildly anticipating. I felt alone and all I wanted was to once again feel the comfort of having a piece of home with me while abroad.

Even in just a short 14 days, I was experiencing some homesickness. Not for the things I anticipated: In-n-Out, Del Taco, the familiarity of my dad's voice or the incredible view I get when I turn from Newport Coast onto Pacific Coast Highway. No, I was simply homesick for the presence of my loved ones and the security they give me. I wanted to look up and see my best friend making her potatoes or see my other friend cracking her Heineken. I even missed the crowdedness of their suitcases.

When I expressed this to some friends that day, attempting to receive some comfort, I had a few responses that were similar: "but you're in Europe! You can't be sad", or "you'll forget about it tomorrow when you're in London." My internal reaction to these statements provided me with the deepest lesson I've learned in my few shorts weeks across the Atlantic Ocean.

Travel is not just about what you see in that place. It's not just about the wonderful people you meet, or the delicious food you are able to indulge in. Travel is not just about bringing your mom a magnet that says "Paris" or the perfect Instagram photo you capture in front of a twinkling Eiffel Tower.

Travel is also about self discovery and acknowledgement. And in my opinion, that's the best part.

You see, this trip has made me realize that travel shows you not only who the foreigners are, but through them, who you are. You don't get to start choosing what and who you do or don't miss. You just simply miss those people and those things. Or when you're in an uncomfortable position and you realize how badly you would kill to have a working cell phone. And that it's not wrong to want a working cell phone. We can't all be characters from Into The Wild.

Most importantly, I'm reminded that the only thing that matters is who you're with. You can be across the world in London, but if you're alone, it can hardly matter.

I've learned that spending a Saturday night watching the Diamondbacks on my parents patio gives me just as much joy as the mojitos I drank in Cannes.

I've learned that spending an hour ranting about politics with my dad on his couch can beat out an Italian dinner on the French Riviera.

I've learned that drinking beers with my sisters in Nashville makes me just as happy as touring the Palace of Versailles.

I've learned that I would trade in any international plane ride for an afternoon with my grandparents.

I've learned that seeing my little cousin grow up beats anything travel can provide.

This is not to say I'm not appreciative or having the time of my life. Because I am. I'm still a gypsy. I'm still going to travel. I'm going to travel especially for the homesickness. The farther I travel, the more I crave home. I'm not wrong for missing my family and friends when "I'm in Europe" or "I'm going to be in London". I'm simply just learning.

I'm having a moment.

About a week ago, I decided to just do it. I turned in my application and paid my deposit for my study abroad program in Nice, France. I texted my dad and simply told him "I'm going to France. Just turned in my app, paid my deposit." He replied "Wow. Cool" or something of the sort. And then I called my mom, and told her "So I just wanted to let you know I'm going to France for a month to study abroad." and explained the trip in some detail to her.

Fast-forward a few days, and I'm on the phone with my best friend, Ashlee, and she tells me she wants to come. In a few minutes, we have dates decided and flights picked out. We start discussing plans for the two days we are in Paris, and the 7 we are in Nice together. We book a hotel in Paris.

Fast-forward a couple more days, and I'm on the phone with my dad, going back and forth about whether I should book a round trip now, or wait to book the return because I'm not sure where I'll be flying out of.

Then it hit me.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Is this actually my life? These are real, CASUAL conversations I have had over the past week? The fact that I get to decide in such a nonchalant moment to "go to France"- WHAT? And then I call my parents, and literally get nothing but 100% support and a couple "how exciting!"'s?

My life is unreal. I can't even explain the level of blessed I am. To have these opportunities, to live this life. I have to take this moment, write this out and realize this is not normal. This is not what 22 year olds, or anyone for that matter, decide on a random Wednesday. But this is really my life!

I mainly write this to remind myself how incredibly lucky I am to have the family I do. If it weren't for their unwavering support for all my ridiculous ideas (move to California at 17, take out enormous student loans, move to an apartment on the beach, apply to law school, actually GO to law school when I'm already in massive debt, take out more enormous loans, go to France for a freaking summer!) I would not live the incredible life I do. I can honestly say I've never been without. And I really don't even mean financially. My grandparents can't wait to get my phone calls, even if all I have to tell them is that I am still alive, still breathing. My parents are with me every step of the way in everything I do. No one has ever told me to do something more realistic or to stop "dreaming so big". And on top of that, I have support from more extended family members than I can ever sit here and name. I get to be whoever I want, and they support it. What is better than that? 

I pride myself in living life to the fullest. Sometimes I know I should slow down, but why? So I can wake up in five years and ask myself why I missed out on that trip to France? or why I don't have a law degree? That lifestyle would be impossible without my family. I'm just blown away that I spend my days in Downtown San Diego, sometimes my weekends are spent in Las Vegas, sometimes in Laguna Beach… I really do realize my life is not the norm. Sometimes I'm sure I don't deserve all these blessings, but I know I am always grateful.

Back to school!

I cannot believe I made it through a semester of law school! Although I did not get a perfect 4.3 and have not mastered this system completely, I am SO PROUD of myself for getting through it. This is not something that is designed for the weak and I cannot explain the confidence this experience is instilling in me. They say 1L is supposed to break you down but I have to say.. I am actually feeling very built up as I am recognizing strengths in myself that I didn't know I had. I am so extremely thankful for my support system, especially my cousin Brian, who is thankfully in ALL of my classes (this semester too!), for keeping me going when things got rough last semester.

The winter break seems to have flashed by in the blink of an eye, but I was surprisingly excited to get back into school. I feel very well prepared this semester because now I understand how to study and how to productively use my time. Last semester was almost a trial run; I wish you got a pretend semester to test out sometimes! Nonetheless, it's over with and the experiences from last semester are making me feel so much more excited and prepared for this one.

I have begun the process of applying to internships and I forgot how exciting the application process is. Writing my cover letters and sending in my resume should be boring and tedious but I actually am finding that it's showing me how much I really want to succeed in this profession. I am praying the right internship comes my way, and until then, I'll keep applying. Fingers crossed.

I started the New Year off and promised myself I would spend less time talking about my problems and more time talking about my joys. I additionally promised myself that I would take more time to get to know and love the San Diego area. I have already spent almost everyday outdoors at some point -- instead of going to a gym, I've been taking 2-3 mile runs to the marina and each day I spend a little time looking at the water. I call it my "happy place". It's one place I can go and any stresses or problems I have seem to really disappear. The ocean is such a beautiful reminder that the world is so big and my problems are so small. I am thankful to live in a place as beautiful as San Diego.

Cheers to a New Year and a new crack at this crazy thing called law school. I am feeling more motivated & better than ever.

Keeping my eyes on the prize!

In the midst of finals and all of the anxiety leading up to them, it’s hard to lose passion and motivation. In an attempt to keep my “eye on the prize”, I’ve decided to actively write down some of my personal and professional goals as a reminder of why I am doing this.

1 – Live in Manhattan Beach or Hermosa Beach in my 20’s. No farther than 2 blocks from the water.

2 – Live in New York City for a minimum of 6 months.

3 – Live in Europe for a minimum of a month (yay for study abroad, hopefully!)

4 – Pay for a vacation in full for my parents.

5 – Inspire someone to study the law.

6 – Help a stranger by using my knowledge of the law.

7 – Graduate law school!

8 – Pass the California bar.

9 – Be completely financially independent from my parents (I know this is lame at 22, but I’ve been a student since I was 4. Cut me a break.)

10 – Be completely, unapologetically in love with my day-to-day life.

Here’s to not only passing finals, but to excelling on them, and leaving nothing in the tank J

Education.

This post isn't completely law school related, but my day at law school kind of stimulated the thought process that lead to this post. Maybe it was my CivPro's references to "practice" today or maybe it was a conversation I had about summer internships that brought these thoughts. In any case, I got to thinking today.

I started thinking about all the times I mention law school to people and most of their reactions are "Well, at least you'll be making a lot of money someday." I've never really thought about it before, but what do they mean "at least you'll be making a lot of money someday?" Has our society really allowed the value of education to only be measured by the career you obtain after you finish?

This concept really started to bother me the more I thought about. Education is so powerful. I've heard my sister mention people at times ask her why she needs a Master's to be an actor. Why not?! I find it beautiful that someone is so passionate about a craft they want to study it at the highest possible level, without any certain dollar sign at the end. That's how we create experts and how people's true genius eventually can be exposed. There are many times I have thought I might not even want to be a lawyer. Should I quit? Should someone enter law school only with the hopes to one day be a lawyer? I don't think so. And I feel that way about any undergraduate, graduate or vocational program. I believe if someone is curious and excited to learn about anything, that should be enough. Education equips us to help our family, our friends and often times even strangers. Education can only empower you and give you strength in this world. When I finish law school, I am going to have the ability to be a much more productive world citizen because I am able to understand and navigate myself as well as others through the legal system. As it stands today, that is where any change eventually happens. To me, that's reason enough to go through law school.

People often fixate on the statistics of how much money a Bachelor's degree makes you in relation to just a high school degree, and similarly, the difference in income between a Bachelor's degree and a graduate or professional degree. If you can't give someone hard proof your degree will put you in a better place financially than where you stood before the degree, people question it. Why? I understand school costs money and these conversations are often brought up in the context of weighing the costs with the benefits... but, can benefits really only be measured by future incomes?

I sit in my classes everyday and am in awe at the subjects I am able to learn and the professors of whom I am privileged to learn from. I know I'm the minority, but I truly love school. I might not be able to, currently, show you a pay stub that monetarily proves to you that my BA was worth it, or that my JD will eventually be worth it, but I am positive that my education has completely altered and bettered my life. I can think of two classes in undergrad alone - Intercultural Communication and Gender & Communication - that have changed the way I treat people. Both classes opened up worlds I didn't even realized existed. I have said many times I wish every single human being could take these classes because I know the world would be a better place if people did. I can't tell you one job I could land from those classes alone, or one job that would pay me more for the education I received from those classes. However, I treat people better, I am kinder and I am more cultured because of those courses. That's enough for me.

I could never put a dollar sign on my education, which is why I choose to pay what I do to continue it. And even if employers never value my education the way I do, I know am blessed to have received the education I have, regardless of the income it produces one day. And for me, that is benefit enough.

The post-midterm roller coaster and the French Riviera.

I survived midterms.

In not wanting to broadcast my actual midterm grades publicly, I will say this: I cried, cried some more and then finally received some good news.

I finished in the middle for some, and more towards the top on others. I actually think it was God's work to give me the bad grades first, for a couple of reasons. You get grades that aren't totally what you hoped, and it can either disappoint you and drain you or just flat out motivate you. For me, it did all of the above. After a talk with an awesome mentor of mine, I realized getting mediocre grades for midterms is a lot better than for finals. And the awesome part about midterms: they're only worth around 10% of your grade. So, I am able to re-evalaute and move towards succeeding on finals. I did end up receiving a couple of encouraging grades that reassured me that I do in fact belong in school (well, still questionable) and I don't need to drop out (seriously, these are the thoughts that go through your head throughout law school).

And so, I keep chugging along. As of today, we have about 9 class meetings for each class left. NINE! Where in the world is the time going? Because I still feel like I know absolutely nothing and I have a few pretty important finals to conquer in about 5-6 short weeks. But I can do it.

How about some fun and exciting talk?! I attended a meeting for study abroad! Since I was unable to study abroad during undergrad, I have always said if I ever get the chance to in grad school that I would not pass it up. As long as I can financially make it happen, I am planning on studying in Nice, France for four weeks this upcoming summer! I figure if I'm going to be taking summer classes, might as well do it on the French Riviera. Still a lot that can happen in between, but I am going to do everything in my power to not let this opportunity pass me by as I let studying in Rome pass me by in college.

Would love to write more, but there is always homework to be done!

Lessons from law school that are nothing about law school.

Since my last post, I have begun really preparing for midterms, while simultaneously keeping up with my reading, assignments and writing for both the classes I do have midterms in and the classes I don’t. Law school.

Needless to say, I have had a lot to do in very little time. A few things have popped in my head throughout this week, so I thought my blog would be a good place to jot them down while they’re still fresh.

Law school teaches you about the law, obviously. Even in these first few months of school, though, I’m realizing the lessons span a lot farther than just the doctrines and the academic lessons. Law school has already taught me a lot about life. Here are the law school lessons I have learned that I can apply to life so far:

1.  Time is valuable. In law school, you don’t have time to finish everything. It’s not like undergrad or high school, where you have assignments and once you finish them you can relax and enjoy non-school things. No, there’s always something to be done, whether it be your actual assignments, reading cases, additional reading, help with a teaching assistant, attending an extra curricular meeting, meeting with a teacher, notecarding, did I mention reading? Anyway, you get it. You finish what you can in the 24 hours you're given. And you hope it’s enough. So law school has taught me how valuable even an extra 5 minutes are. How precious an hour is when it comes to sleep and how so very special two hours before bed can be when you have no assignments and you can work on your outline. Time is valuable.
2.  It’s not about what you do, but how well you do it. The time you spend studying is completely useless if it’s not done efficiently. The person who studies more doesn’t always study best. Planning is everything.  Strategy is everything. Focus is everything. As John Wooden once said: “Practice doesn’t make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect.”
3. You can’t let any one thing consume you. My grandfather always says “everything is okay in moderation.” And that’s an essential thing to keep in mind in law school, and in life. No matter what the other students do, no matter what my professors or mentors say, it’s not okay to only do law school. I have to make time for myself and for my family. At the end of the day, my family is what matters, and the things I love keep me happy. The hour I spend running might actually help me in my study! Imagine that. Keep everything in moderation, even law school.
4. Celebrate the good moments. I turned in my first memo on Tuesday and holy crap -- did it feel good. That moment when you hit submit and know you really gave it your everything and it’s all over.. it’s wonderful. I took a second and just smiled for myself. I did it! I have finished my first legal memo and I did it. Did I get a good grade? I won’t know for a couple of weeks. But I celebrated in that moment regardless, because I put forth the effort and I finished it. You have to celebrate the good moments, because it’s okay to celebrate yourself in life... even in law school.
5. Make everything you do fun. I had a classmate turn around a couple days ago and tell me “I figured it out! You just have to convince yourself law school is fun.” And while it may not actually be that simple, he is kind of right. You have to find little ways to make it more enjoyable. That comes with being prepared, and being curious. Ask questions! I’ve found if I sit down in a coffee shop with a great cup of coffee, I enjoy studying more. So, I sit down in a coffee shop with a great cup of coffee and I study. Period. It doesn’t have to be painful.

I could probably think of a few more, but these are the ones that come to mind right now. If law school teaches me nothing else, it’s taught me a lot about life in just a few short months. Now, back to those midterms…